So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
