Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize