last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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