We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dignity is for republicans.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize