apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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