your parents love me but you hate me
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
