I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
