My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
