giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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