paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize