he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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