you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
