oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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