Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
