just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
