Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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