see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
