oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
