I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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