You made me cry and you don't even care
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
