tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
