You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
