so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
