The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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