i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
