i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize