just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
