Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
