forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
my liver is dry heaving
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
