I want to walk on stilts...naked
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize