Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
