i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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