Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
not ubering you a puppy
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
