i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
