no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
