I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize