you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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