And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
