I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
