just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize