I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
