my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
