I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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