those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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