turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
