i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
