Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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