i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
