The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
