i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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