if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
