There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
