There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
