you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
