Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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