I should be sponsored by Trojan
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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