So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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