tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
