You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
