is your mom at the bar?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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