If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
