I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize