Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize