I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
