i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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