Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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