I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize