Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
