There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
