the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Congratulations! We have a period
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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