he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
