can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
