i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wear drunk well.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
