dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The power of my boobs compel you
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
