Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
