I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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