So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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