not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Bring me that man meat
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
